Vivid dreams

Weird, weird, weird. I remember nothing most nights and then this morning far too much....

Puzzled

Things to do, but no desire whatsoever to do them. Places to be, but no plans to go there. Drinks to drinks, but no thirst to drink them. Books to read, but no energy to read them. Quite what the f**k is wrong with me I have no idea.

Missing

Looking through a collection of photos taken over the years I notice that there is something, or rather someone, absent. Me. I'm an observer but seemingly not a participant. The old adage that a picture speaks a thousand words seems rather apt.

Small silver linings

Being in the midst of a global financial crisis and then being reminded that you never had any money to begin with.

Talking

Now, I shouldn't probably admit this, at risk of being labelled a loony. But I sometimes talk to myself. Thankfully It doesn't involve speaking in tongues, using the third person, or anything like that. So I've always put it down as being rather harmless. Or at least that's what I say to myself. Rather literally.

Family, previous partners. They've all put up with it in some shape or form. Thankfully.

Since I was young it was always a way of getting thoughts out into the open, whereby the act of seemingly just saying something out loud made it somehow more real. And when it was real it could be acted upon. Or not as the case may be.

But of late it seems the words just go round in circles. And ultimately nothing is done about them. Inevitable perhaps as the person listening is the same person as the one speaking. So not really the best place to find vigorous debate and argument. But at what point do you decide that enough is enough. That it's time to say shut up to yourself and just move on with life.

Answers on a postcard please to the usual address....

The monday blog that never was

The search for a bike. Baby talk and the state of the Israeli football league. 80s parties in Frampton Cotterell. Hotels in London. New music. Old movies.

The list goes on, but it never actually starts.

The Great Gig In The Sky

And so another leaves us for somewhere unknown. And whether you believe that is some place in the sky or someplace in earth, it doesn't really matter. It's about the life you led and the impact you had on others. And on that note all I can say is thank you.

Back and forth

It seems to be happening quite a lot these days. Waking up in one place and then moving to another in quick succession. This morning was Germany and this afternoon is Geneva once more. And what awaits me upon my return? A rather growing to-do list with the first item being book tickets to go to.. Germany. Again.

Classic film closing lines I

"I'm not a cab driver. I'm a coffee pot."

The strange case

It has left me so. All that remains are fleeting glimpses. Just a passing phase he thinks. Will all be sorted in a day or two. Normal service will resume he confidently predicts. Whatever that means.

Rituals

Unpack the bags. Shower and shave. Water the plants. Make a brew. And life goes on.

Almost there

Heathrow Terminal 5 and one more flight to go. Always feels weird passing through here. It's home so part of me wants to just walk out of the place and meet up with friends over a nice pint. However as it has only just gone 7.30am they probably wouldn't appreciate it right now. So Geneva it is then....

Small world conversation

I'm typing this from Sydney. After discussing blogging with a friend in London. After talking shop with colleagues in Switzerland. After chatting with my father in Bristol. After discussing the weather in Wellington. After discussing gossip over tea and cakes in the treehouse. After waking up at 5am and thinking clearly. And throughout them all something seems to make sense for once. Blimey.

Wellington

The journey nears its ends but the biggest surprise has awaited me here. Memories of a time long ago in Bristol when I started down this path flood back as does the realisation that I've perhaps gone astray somehow in the process. Away from the day to day in Geneva it seems here I am actually achieving something. Small. Local. But real and meaningful.

Could be crazy, but I think I'll be back here soon.

Peace.

Lost somewhere in the southern hemisphere

Another timezone change. Another plane. Another city. Another journey.

Switzerland seems quite far away now. In more ways than one.

New horizons

After the moments of doubt and hesitation it seems things are moving once again. And my CO2 footprint is about to get that little bit bigger....

Unexpected benefits of living in Switzerland No.1

Health benefits. Not the walking or the mountain air, but the fact that if I was in London now I probably would be eating a bargain bucket.

The undesired effect of talking about something

I'm having a conversation about how I'm trying to reduce the amount of alcohol I drink. About how much better I feel as a result. How much more alive I feel in the mornings. And then I suddenly realize I quite fancy a pint. Sigh...

A work aside

Something from work that actually made me smile... will wonders never cease :)

Dread

The question is "Why, oh why do I have to go through with this shit". And the only answer is "Because you just have to". Time to start job hunting me thinks.

Developments

A week that started with indecision ends with uncertainty. But not perhaps in a bad sense. So a big no to one city, but perhaps yes to another. Still so many hoops to jump through but seems like something is going to happen. Well maybe. At some point.

The case of the indecisive man

He thinks he knows what he wants. So it commits to making a change. And actually acts upon it. But than, perhaps unsurprising, change starts to happen. He gets responses. Offers. And then he wonders whether he wants to change after all. So now the indecisive man is now more indecisive than ever.

The Trap

And we are all its victims. It caught us slowly. So silently that we never even realized. But caught we are. But ultimately this trap is different. We all ask ourselves. Again and again. Do we really want to escape.

Changes

It's in the air it seems. Tel Aviv. Versonnex (population 1938). Johannesburg. Brussels. People I know are all on the move. So the question is whether it is a members only club.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes (turn and face the strain)

Hello, how are you?

I should have said this by email. Phone. SMS. Telegram. Telex. Carrier pigeon. Or even semaphore. To too many people. More often. So this is my mea culpa. I'm still alive. Still eating cheese. And chocolate. Talking about cuckoo clocks. And getting rather worryingly interested in railways. So the same as usual then. See you all soon. Where ever that may be.

Notes from the night gone by

Happiness is relative and rather hard to quantify
We are all ultimately scared of something
True wisdom often comes from the unlikeliest of sources
We can all fly if we want to

The ugly city

"Its not a very attractive city is it?" she said. And I had to kind of agree. The grey concrete buildings around us would have meant any other response would have been rather inaccurate. But then I said that superficial impressions can sometimes be misleading. Behind the faceless apartment blocks, the drab shops and the truly appalling 1970 throw back restaurants, there's actually a beautiful city trying to break free.

Fast forward

Another second, minute, hour, day and then week. Passes so fast. When I was a child I would stare out of the window and time would seem to pass like an eternity. But now, it seems to be in overdrive. Someone is pressing the fast forward button and not willing to let go.

Back to reality

It had to end. Obviously. And it did. From sunshine to snow. From fast to slow. From crowded to empty. From the madness to the mundane.

It's all now gone. But hopefully not for long.

A change of window view

As the man preaches to the street below on the sins of humankind I look out across the city scape. Palm trees, SUVs and huge hotels. Toto, I've got a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.

Timezones

Is is 4:46 am as my computer tells me, 23:46 as my watch tells me or 00:46 as my phone tells me..... Not for the first time in my life I'm rather confused.

Independance

Horns sounding. Cars adorned with flags. Music blaring. The quiet of a Swiss afternoon pleasantly shattered by the joys of a people celebrating the birth of their nation.

And for a moment. I close my eyes. Listen. Imagine. And am transported far away.

Still talking, not walking

Like a broken record the thoughts replay seemingly endlessly. And as the sun shines over me I wonder...

A family question

Why is it that one member of my family can drive me crazy? I mean really crazy. He only has to walk through the door and I’m mad with him. So much so that I want to hit him. With a big inflatable stick. Or shoot him. With a water pistol. Or maybe make him really crazy in turn by saying that despite the fact he makes me crazy, I still love him to bits. After all. He's family.

Abandon hope all seafood lovers...

Your defenders are quite frankly not fit for purpose. The words, a bunch of spinless weasels just doesn't do them justice....

Recurring dream

I'm told by letter. Or maybe telephone. Or email. Or some other way. Hell, I'm just told. I haven't finished my degree and I urgently need to do so. But didn't I graduate over 7 years ago? I remember that. Or maybe that was a dream and this is reality. Or maybe my sub-conscious is trying to ram a point home. Again and again.

Monday

He tries to write something with a hint of rhyme but as the day normally predicts such creativity is not possible. Indeed it is frowned upon. Triviality. On a Monday. Is he mad? Instead the mind over burdens itself with the reality that there are four more days like this to get through. Before the inevitably too short time out and then the preparation for the cycle to repeat again. And again. Until either the record eventually breaks or someone decides to chuck it out of the window.

A quote for today

The openness of the world, so unachievable in the realm of everyday reality, lives in our minds, in the superimposed layers of tangled and confused memories.
Ryszard Kapuscinski

New beginnings?

After the talks. The realization. The expressed hopes. And fears. Comes the question.
Can I really make it happen? Watch this space.